It’s always something when it comes to relationships. We may think we know what we want, or at least what we expect (watch that!) out of one, but we’re often surprised by the outcome. It’s always changing. Or, perhaps it’s always developing. So, for the single crowd out there, when do we arrive at our ultimate destination? Into someone’s arms. HA! Sappy.

I’ve learned a few lessons – again with the lessons! When it comes to how much you *reveal* in a new relationship: take your time! It’s not easy to restrain yourself, especially if you wear your heart on your sleeve. Perhaps that’s the issue with being single – the sense of urgency to be in a relationship. Whatever happened to taking our time to really get to know someone? I’m guilty of it. I used to believe sharing our story was a confirmation of a connection, but now I’m cautious before I open my mouth at all. That one surprised me -I’m normally Mr. Blabbermouth. I guess I’m hesitant about sharing too much because it’s typical for the other person to make assumptions. To build their idea of you. But I guess that shouldn’t be a concern if it’s really meant to be. Now that’s a WHOLE other blog.

Regardless of your relationship status, we can’t lose sight of what’s really important  – our own happiness. How can we be in a successful relationship if we have no clue who we are as individuals? I’ll say one thing, you learn something new about yourself during every attempt at one. But no matter how many times we *start over* we must continue to take risks and keep our hearts open. We have to be proactive on our pursuit. I know… it’s exhausting! Haha. I know I sound like a relationship cheerleader, but it’s important to keep hope in our back pocket during our single journey. Oh, and keep three words on continuous loop:  JUST. BE. YOU.

So, tell us … what’s YOUR relationship status?!

Hello, friends…and happy frickin’ Friday! What an incredibly trying – and energy draining – week. From a stalker in my driveway, the craziness that is agencies, dog sitting (which I will say is a wonderful distraction) and wait, we’re going to add another xian moment – I ran into an ex last night during happy hour. I’ll paint the picture for you. Word of advice: take a deep breath – this is going to be a long one …

I decided to partake in a little celebration after work yesterday – what was I celebrating, you ask? Well, I received a confirmation from Verizon on the proposal I sent for Q2: they’re moving forward with the program! The former VP lost the account and it was my goal to win back the business. I’m really excited about this! It was an assurance for me – that I’m finding my groove in this new position. But enough about work, let’s get back to the picture I’m painting for you. All was well as I sat down at the bar with my first cocktail. My very good friend is the bartender there and it’s always nice to play a little catch up with her. She’s leaving for Paris soon-   she’s staying for a month! I know, totally jealuz. But, I’m planning a little visit…need to get back to Europe, it’s been too long. There I go again … focus, xian … focus. I usually experience some pretty random conversations at the bar – I visit there enough so people are “getting to know me”  which means they’re more comfortable asking the bizarre questions. But this happy hour session felt a little different: I was there for a good half hour and nobody was bothering me. That didn’t last very long. A guy sitting next to me (a Podiatrist) started chatting me up. Very sweet guy, but quite the Cathy Chattybox. Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people and hearing new stories, but you know what it’s like when you just want to sit there in silence. The conversation was nice, but I was relieved when the owner of the restaurant sat down to talk to him. Score … I’m getting the peace I wanted!  But just like before, it didn’t last very long.  The next thing I know, another ex (Mr. Nut) was sitting next to me. Why do I call him Mr. Nut? You know those peanuts you eat on a plane – he’s the owner of the factory that cranks out those nuts. Did you get that?   I really liked the guy and started thinking about us in a committed (we’ll get into the commitment/monogamy issue in a few) relationship. There was one problem: he just got out of a 8-year relationship and wasn’t in a rush to start a new one. We lasted for a few months. I’ll say one thing, we had P-L-E-N-T-Y of passion! That’s what happens when you put two Scorpios in a room. And there he was, sitting next to me looking quite dapper in a black suit. At first we just stared at each other. It was a deep and hard stare and it felt kind of strange – like we were looking for something. We did the normal catch up on careers and our homes, and then he decided to reminisce on our brief tenure together.  Here we go…drink, please! He told me he still fantasized about us being together and how much he really liked me. He said his past relationship really screwed him up. Pfft, don’t they all on some level? His flattering started to make me uncomfortable, and I wondered what his intentions were. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in at least a year. He asked me if I was dating someone. My reply; “no, I’m not really looking at the moment.” He moved his chair in closer and his body was doing some serious communicating: legs/hips open and my legs in between. And then it hit me; wait, I know he’s been dating someone for awhile now! It was my turn to inquire on his relationship status … “what about you, are you still seeing that guy – what’s his name?” And that’s when he decided to come clean about his relationship drama.  He is in fact seeing the same guy but “he’s not happy.” Apparently, his boyfriend  enjoys too much *partying.* Mr. Nut isn’t sure he can “continue with the relationship.” I really didn’t have much feedback for him, besides the normal: “follow your heart and if you can’t say you really love the guy, what’s the point?” And in my opinion, when two people want completely different things, how far can you really go in a relationship? He didn’t stay at the bar very long – long enough for two martinis and to wolf down an app or two, but before he left he made sure to slip me his business card. He wants me to call him. I don’t know what it was about the conversation, but it made me really angry. I know I could have taken complete advantage of him last night; all vulnerable with martinis coursing through his veins. Please. Too easy AND cliche. The biggest reason I chose not to is because I believe in commitment, and I definitely won’t be a mistress.  But then another part of me was thinking; you know what, I’m single,  eff personal responsibility … but that’s just  not me. And I don’t do one-night stands.

Which leads us to monogamy. Is there a difference between monogamy and commitment? I believe they are one in the same. Or is the difference called an “open relationship?”  The last guy I tried dating had a boyfriend – the boyfriend actually called to let me know. Awkward. And then I saw a tweet from a woman on this topic: “all men cheat.”  It sounds like she’s been wounded, and perhaps that’s the issue here -  our perspective on cheating. With all these recent experiences,  it just makes you wonder … is monogamy the new fairytale?