Archive for A Xian Moment
Aug
20
where have I been?
Posted by: | Commentswell, I know where I’ve been, but I’m not quite sure about my emotional::mental location.
I spend most of my time trying to keep things in order – to avoid CHAOS. I despise the constraints of time. You know what it’s like when you have a deadline and the to-do list keeps growing. It’s especially frustrating when nothing is getting checked off that damn list. I believe that destiny has to take its course, but c’mon already – I just want to get to my new home! I’m going to be the patron saint of patience by the time this shit is over! Haha… but I’m almost there. I’m at the final stages of the move. I knew finding an apartment in another city wasn’t going to be easy, especially a city like NY. SO, I’m headed back to NY in two weeks; I found a great studio in Brooklyn and I want to give the landlord a deposit. ALMOST. THERE.
Needless to say, it’s been an interesting week. The (strangest) highlight: a Subway stalker. Yes, the universe decided to throw a little crazy my way. Picture it, (channels Sophia from the Golden Girls) Cleveland, August 2010. A young man is standing outside his office building on E.9th and St. Clair. It’s lunch time, and he’s been thinking about a black forest ham foot long on wheat – a $5 meal, you can’t go wrong. He’s waiting patiently in line and can feel someone staring him down. He turns to his right, and was greeted by a man he’s seen before. He works in the same office building. He gave the young man his business card, and asked if he could take him to lunch the next day. The young man agreed, he seemed like a nice enough man and a new friend wouldn’t be such a bad thing. They go to lunch the next day, and everything changed. It was clear the man had other intentions and he was laying it on thick. Come to find out, he had been “watching him” for months now, and told the young man he was “hot as f***.” The young man thought it was rather bold of him to choose those words, ‘handsome’ would be much more appropriate for a first meeting. He couldn’t think of a solid excuse to get up and leave, but he knew he would have to say something when lunch came to an end. He told the man that he was moving to NY, and wasn’t looking for anything in particular. It was the perfect way out. The lesson here, kids: ALWAYS trust your instincts. That first *gut response* when you’re facing an opportunity, or anything in life for that matter. You’re feelin’ me..
Whew.. I’m a blabber box today. A large mocha will do that to ya! You can take advantage of my blabber … let’s do Ask Christian Friday! C’mon.. ask me.. anything. Distract me a little… 
Aug
03
loaded day …
Posted by: | Commentsappointment with my doctor about my heart palpitations, calling my vet to schedule an appointment for Claudia – my cat – to put her to sleep (she’s 17 and can’t go to the bathroom any longer) and a meeting with my boss about relocation costs. Maybe I’m just tired, but I’m having one of those, “I don’t want to do this” kind of day. And it’s only 9:00 AM.
I consider myself a tough man, but have you ever felt so overwhelmed and you don’t know where to turn? Or, who to turn to? Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that things are falling into place, but it’s all the changes in the background that are wearing me out. But I guess that’s what life is about – the minute we make a big change, the more challenges we face. It’s a chain reaction. At least that’s been my experience. But there is a reason for the challenges: it makes us stronger and prepares us for even bigger things ahead. Another helpful tool: to look back on the past challenges that we made it through. We do have the power to overcome the obstacles, it just takes some serious introspection.
So, it’s time to buckle up and enjoy the ride. No caving under pressure….
Jun
22
relationship status: cautious.
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s always something when it comes to relationships. We may think we know what we want, or at least what we expect (watch that!) out of one, but we’re often surprised by the outcome. It’s always changing. Or, perhaps it’s always developing. So, for the single crowd out there, when do we arrive at our ultimate destination? Into someone’s arms. HA! Sappy.
I’ve learned a few lessons – again with the lessons! When it comes to how much you *reveal* in a new relationship: take your time! It’s not easy to restrain yourself, especially if you wear your heart on your sleeve. Perhaps that’s the issue with being single – the sense of urgency to be in a relationship. Whatever happened to taking our time to really get to know someone? I’m guilty of it. I used to believe sharing our story was a confirmation of a connection, but now I’m cautious before I open my mouth at all. That one surprised me -I’m normally Mr. Blabbermouth. I guess I’m hesitant about sharing too much because it’s typical for the other person to make assumptions. To build their idea of you. But I guess that shouldn’t be a concern if it’s really meant to be. Now that’s a WHOLE other blog. 
Regardless of your relationship status, we can’t lose sight of what’s really important – our own happiness. How can we be in a successful relationship if we have no clue who we are as individuals? I’ll say one thing, you learn something new about yourself during every attempt at one. But no matter how many times we *start over* we must continue to take risks and keep our hearts open. We have to be proactive on our pursuit. I know… it’s exhausting! Haha. I know I sound like a relationship cheerleader, but it’s important to keep hope in our back pocket during our single journey. Oh, and keep three words on continuous loop: JUST. BE. YOU.
So, tell us … what’s YOUR relationship status?!
May
01
how do you increase your motivation?
Posted by: | CommentsI received a great Daily Tune Up from the Kabbalah Center this morning. Yes, I study Kabbalah … actually, not as much anymore. I studied it for years (BEFORE Madonna; I dated an Orthodox Jew about 14 years ago and his family introduced me to the practice.) I read the books, I scanned the Zohar, and then it hit me; this isn’t anything new. It’s not a religion. It’s a reminder: to take complete responsibility for our actions. The law of cause and effect. I enjoy these tune ups, and the best part is they normally come right when I need them the most. Reminders are important — especially when they lift you up. I’ve been lacking motivation these days. I do what’s expected – the 9 to 5 – but anything outside of that is slim to none. I just don’t feel the motivation to do anything else in this town. Am I officially done? But I can’t let opportunity pass me by, even if it’s coming from a place I want to leave behind. I know better. You know what I want? I want someone to come over and take me away for one night. To escape my concerns. These recent events that started with the nightmares, the bird that was throwing itself at my window for three days, and then the break-in. Random events? I don’t think so. I know it’s leading up to the next chapter of my life – the biggest one yet … the page is almost turned. I can feel it. So now I need to get motivated and see what I can stir up in this town, to push myself forward. I have an opportunity tonight to see my little brother. I could use some family time. That may just be the motivation I need.
Saturday, May 1
How do you increase your motivation?
Rush to action. Get up early. Put in over-time on a personal project. Make the phone call. Take physical action and it will ignite your desire for more.
Today, work backwards. Don’t wait for inspiration to strike. Strike anyway  especially if you’re not feeling it  by getting yourself to do one thing you’ve been putting off.
