do people really change?

Well, yesterday evening was certainly eventful. Long story short; my stalker’s in town. Rather than go into the story behind the stalking, you can refer to my The Pursuit of Love category – where you’ll gain more insight on this man that started out as my *angel.* He was waiting in my driveway after work yesterday.  And believe me, it wasn’t the time to come-a-stalkin’ – work was intense. I’m recycling a tweet, but I believe the many years of being fucked over by men all came out in that moment. I got of the car, threw my bag down, and got up in his face. Let me first say this, I DO NOT enjoy getting angry. I can’t even remember the last time I yelled like that. It got so heated, that the neighbors asked if I wanted them to call the Po Po. I really do have good neighbors – very attentive. Well, they really didn’t have a choice, the next block probably heard me yelling. I’m just glad he’s leaving today. He also promised me I would never hear from him again. Here’s hoping….

The battle in the driveway got me thinking more about change. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it ever since my ex – and longest relationship to date – has come back into the picture. By the way, what is up with the past coming back to visit? You really have to stop and ask yourself, why (well, I do anyway …  I don’t really believe in coincidence.) The ex and I have been working at building a friendship over the past few months, and even hung out a few times (but always with a group of people.) It’s been really nice.  It’s been a little over 6 years since we broke up, but based on past experiences, I’ve learned a major lesson when it comes to people in general: they don’t change. I grew a tad cynical when it comes to relationships, and even lost a tremendous amount of hope in finding one. Baby Jesus knows, I’ve run the gamut. I’m also really fine alone. I enjoy it. I have no desire to pursue a relationship in Cleveland, I’m open to it, but it’s definitely not a priority. I’d much rather leave that option for NY. I was talking to a good friend of mine about this ex file, and how unsure I was about hanging out with him alone – especially after he told me he still has feelings for me. My biggest fear is hurting him – he is a sweet man. I told my friend that as much as I would enjoy hanging out with him, I just don’t believe people change. And then she raised an excellent point: “well Christian, you changed.” Oh, snap! Four words that made me think for over a week. While I agree with her on the *I* changed part, I believe deep down that I was always the same man – with a shitload of feelings -  at heart. I just grew up. Does that make sense? I guess it comes down to trust; giving people the benefit of the doubt. What do you think: can you really become friends with an ex? Does it have to be a modified friendship, where you only hang out with the ex in a group? Isn’t that a lot of work?